Retreat?

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Oh gosh... I'm totally exhausted. Sorry for the lack of english posts, since I came home
to Sweden I haven't been that inspired to write.............. But I will write more in english
-  I promise!!! xD

Anyway, today is 2011. Wohoo, or...!? I think that New year's eve is soo overrated!!!
Don't you? There are so high expectations that "tonight we're gonna have the best party
ever" but I'm quite sure that won't be the case for most of us, right!?  ....as I wrote some
seconds ago; I'm totally exhausted, so I will retire for some hours, haha!!! Good night...

From ME to YOU

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MERRY XMAS <3

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Damn Bitch

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Today the water was frozen in the horses fields. I had to struggle quite a lot to get some
water for the horses, but of course one of them (guess who...) chosed to kick the bucket
so that I got an ice cold shower. Lovely... Yes, it was Jerry, the big bitch... Last week he
bashed my head so I got nosebleed. Can't understand why I still love him so much... <3



Stuck in London!!!

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Gosh, this is terrible - I haven't been updating my blog for ages!!! o.O

...why!? Because me and my mum have been STUCK in London. She came here to
Sussex the 27th of November, and we left to London the 29th..... Then she were
supposed to leave the 1st of December, but what happened!? SNOWSTORM!!!!!

It was a total chaos in almost every part of UK. No trains worked, and the airports
were closed for several days. Me and my mum had to stay at the hotel for 4 extra
nights..... Lucky us, we could stay at the same hotel - in the same room..... ^^

But now, finally, I'm back in Sussex!!! The kids seems to be really happy to see me.
(for the moment they are screaming like crazy, sitting under the table and climbing
on my legs) .... Awh, "cuties"... I will miss them, the dogs, the horses and Nele sooo
much!!! I mean, now I am leaving in just a few days... Sad... 

(soon I will publish a lot of pics from London - don't miss that)

Bad update

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Sorry, the last days I have just felt depressed and haven't taken the time to update...
I work, eat (way too much) and sleep. And the more I eat/gain weight, the more tired
and depressed I get, which leading to even more bingeing... Bad bad BAD circle... =/

BUT TOMORROW MY MUM IS COMIN'!!! <3
...and when she leaves, the 1st of December, it won't be long until I go home as well.



Today I have talked to my grandparents. They were so happy that I called!!! <3
My grandad (one of them) told me that my sweet darling/cat have become really fat.
Then we can be fat together... But not for long, because I have to loose some kilos
when I get home. Otherwise I don't know what to do. UUuuuhhhh.....o.O

Dead fasans

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Uhh... Today I noticed two dead fasans hanging outside the back door... Now I can't
stop thinking about them.. I can see them in my head when I'm eating = disgusting!!!
Who the hell hanged them there!? When!? They can't have been there before, then I
would have noticed. YES I AM UPSET!!! THIS IS NOT OKAY!!! o.O



Hmpf

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Regarding my latest english update:  yesterday was unfortunately not very good "the
rest of the day", but still not as bad as some of the previous days... This morning was
not okey, but I'm trying to look forward... Spoke with my mum over phone yesterday
night and that made me feel a little better. The time is running away - I will soon be
home again. Then I have to try to start a new healthier life. AGAIN.

Sunny Day

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Yes, today is a lovely day. A little chilly, but the sun is shining and it's beautiful with
all the trees in different colours. Regarding food, the day has been quite good. Wow,
first day in a veeeery long time now... Hope the rest of the day can be good as well!!!

Have to update my blog in english more often I think... It's great practise for me and
most of you readers can understand it, both swedish and other nationalities... ^^

Mooove

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Time to get dressed and feed the horses!!! Today will be a busy day. WOoOOoaahh.
My depressed feelings about myself (weight, body, life, everything) is getting worse.
Don't really know what to do. Hope I will get help when I get back home...

Okey, that was a quick and short english update, haha... See ya!!! ^^

Sick and tired

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What a booooring day!!! The sun is shining and I am spending all day indoor... WHY!?
Because I am sick... This totally sucks!!! Tonight I slept like 3 hours... My throat hurt
like hell, so I didn't want to breath or swallow. When I woke up my head felt heavy and
I was "warm behind my eyes" (you know that feeling when you're sick!?)... Baah!!! o.O

....and I am feeling so stupid just spending my time with eating and sleeping while Nele
is working. Hope you survive without me today!!! =)

All but good...

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Today = total failure. Can't almost remember what i did, since I just thought about
food... I ate everything that I definitely shouldn't. And when I came to Arundel, it
showed that the castle is closed on Mondays. Lucky me. NOT. But I really liked the
town (village?), photos will come, but not today... Chichester? love the cathedral,
otherwise I can only remember all the sugary things... Buuehhe...

Travel again

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Yes, if everything goes as I've planned, Chichester and Arundel are the goals for today.
And I hope that food won't ruin my day - like it already has, way too many days of my
life. Update tonight/later today! ;D

Rainy Sussex

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...yeah, I look very cute. NOT. Just after this photo was taken, I had to save a stupid
german who was stuck in the mud!!! She also had two horses running after her... xD
Or, well, one stubborn pony. The big one (Oscar) was busy with his food. Hm... But if
I had the chance to choose between hunting germans or eating haylage, I would
definitely prefer.....STUPID GERMAN!!! xD

Note: AND THIS IS HOW HUNTER WELLIES SHOULD BE USED !!!

Laughing German

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Yeah, I can hear her from the room next to me... Annoying girl!!! No, okay, she is quite
funny... Actually, I should be lucky having her here!!! We have already had a lot of fun
together!!! Don't ya think, Nele!? ^^




Summary

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Ok... Summary of the day? Catastrophe. At least when it comes to food. Otherwise,
it was quite good. The horses were nice and the weather went from rain to sunshine.
My stomach hurts like hell (yes, because of compulsive eating) and I am so freaking
tired, so today I have to go to bed early. Yesterday, no today actually, I gone to bed
around 2 at night... Not very smart. I think that "helps" to cause the overeating...

Anyway, before I go to bed, me and Nele will take the three dogs out for a short walk.
I used to take short "evening walks" at home before bedtime, and it really makes me
sleep better. Have you tried it!? ^^


Mr Spider

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Eh... Now Nele is climbing around in my room. She tries to take a photo of my room-
mate, Mr Spider, without coming too close... It's a really big spider, and if she gets a
good photo I will publish it another day, hahaha!!! Another funny thing: today I were
horseback riding for the first time here in England. Wohoo!!! It was wonderful, even
though we took it very slow. No need to rush. It was quite a while since I were riding,
so I have to 'warm up' a little... ^^



This is Alex - the horse I rode today. He is probably one of the biggest (at least the
tallest) horses I have ever sat on!!! But he was nice - hope he continues like that!!!
Now I have to go to sleep... Hope that Mr Spider has gone out of my bed...


Living HELL.

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Please, I can't take this anymore!!! Will I ever stop!? It happened yesterday, and even
worse today. Bingeing. You know the bulimia-typical compulsive eating!? For the
moment I really hate myself. HATE!!!!! I wish that I could just fly away and hide from
reality, just for a while. This is a nightmare - a living hell... Please, if there is any God,
make me stop, recover me!? ... ='/

*Happy Face*

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This morning me and Nele took the horses to the fields all by ourselves - without
any problems!!! Wehoo!!! The weather was lovely and it felt just wonderful... =)

Looooong day

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Gosh, I'm sooo tired... Me and Nele have a lot to learn, but it's really fun. The children
are gorgeous. We have been playing a lot - which made me totally exhausted, haha!!!
The horses are very beautiful, but they have been testing me today... This far I have
managed the situations quite well. Let's see what they come up with tomorrow... ;P