i mitt huvud... Fuck it... Hittade förövrigt en dikt (eller vad man nu ska kalla det) igår
som verkligen berörde mig. Den beskrev det hela så himla bra:

I know what it's like to want to die, 
I know how it can hurt to smile, 
how hard it can be to speak. 
I know what it feels like to lose control 
and hurt yourself on the outside 
to try and kill that thing on the inside, 
and I know how it feels to know, 
even while you try, that you can't, 
because it will never be far enough
until it's too far.

I know how it feels to disappoint yourself 
every day of your life, 
and how it feels to know
that there is no one else to blame
and there never was.

I know how it feels to be full, of hatred, of self loathing.
I know how it feels to be empty, devoid of all emotion.
I know how it feels to bleed by your own hand. 
I know how it feels to be high on dieting.

I know how it feels to wish with all your heart to not know.